christmastime feelings


Earlier this year, I wrote about the things I wanted to accomplish in 2018, and the person I wanted to become. The latter was most important to me, but tangible goals are great too!

In 2018, I wanted to: 1. Write a book, and 2. Get a hot boyfriend. I succeeded in both of these pursuits, despite some serious doubts on my end. It would be too expected and cliche to say I’m happier than I’ve been in a long long time, but… I’m happier than I’ve been in a long, long time.

First off, what the fuck, I wrote a book! I wrote a whole novel, start to finish, edited and sent out to publishers, in 2018. That in itself is still almost beyond comprehension to me, and I’m the one who sat down every night after work and weekends and during lunch breaks and wrote the damn thing. And I’m so proud of what I wrote. It was a story I’d been thinking about putting to paper for years, so to finally bring it to life was… not a dream come true, but a difficult goal accomplished. I’m so proud, no matter what comes of it.

While we’re talking about dreams coming true, let me direct you to this quote from my 2018 resolutions post:

“I’m going to rely on the love of my friends and family, and I’m gonna do my best to be the truest version of myself for that hot hot boyfriend when he finally bursts through the door of my life, Kramer-style.”

Reader, I did that. Over the course of the last twelve months, I’ve worked consciously and deliberately to shed all of the armor I’d built up over my heart in the years prior. I’ve meditated, read tarot, journaled regularly, and altered my thoughts and behaviors in ways that are kinder and more loving — to myself and others. I’ve worked hard to form a healthier mental relationship with my own writing and creative endeavors. I’ve done everything I can to become the best possible version of Meg. And while there’s always room for growth and work to be done (and there will be every year for the rest of my life), I am so proud of how far I’ve come in 2018.

So when that hot boyfriend burst unexpectedly into my life, I was in a place where I could let my heart be vulnerable. I can’t tell you how happy I am. It’s still very new, and so exciting, but I honestly didn’t know a person could be this happy in a relationship.

I’ve written about my “perfect man” before, briefly in this blog, and at length in my personal journal. But he was always a dream, an unreachable ideal, a lofty goal to hope for but never truly believe in. Not to say that my boyfriend is perfect (no one is, even though I couldn’t come up with any specific flaws about him if you asked), but I truly didn’t think there was someone out there in the world who could fit so easily into my life.

I didn’t think I’d ever find the “funny, cute, shares my interests, gainfully employed, feminist” man I told my dad I was looking for.

But like… I did.

You never know how, or if, things will work out. There’s no possible way to predict what will happen in 2019 and beyond. But I do know that right now, I’m stupidly happy. I’m loving every second of a new relationship, I’m writing, and I like who I am. A lot. 2018 has been a hell of a good year, and I’m ready to dive into the next one with gusto.

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