*old person voice* abolish filters

Y’all ever play with instagram filters in a fit of boredom and then realize you look hotter in the filters and have a massive existential crisis?

Yeah me too.

Yesterday I became obsessed with and then immediately full of hatred toward a “little demon” instagram filter that not only gave me adorable demon horns, but it enhanced my lips, gave me blush and freckles, and eliminated all my old lady (I’m 34 I’m not old) lines. I had a minor breakdown, which for me is quite normal during PMS, and decided I needed to replicate the look with makeup since I couldn’t be a perfectly enhanced little demon in real life.

Imagine growing up as a teen right now in like, the age of social media (or whatever crotchety millennials and elders want to call it). In my mind there are two sides of the coin: one side, you are constantly comparing yourself to the people you see on social media, the instagram filters, the influencers, your classmates and friends, all presenting only their hottest and most perfect selves online. But on the other side, you have access to beauty tutorials, a growing body positivity movement, and way more progressive ideas online than I was ever exposed to as a teen.

When I was in high school, I didn’t think once about hating my body or wanting to wear makeup. But I also looked like complete shit. So it’s really, to keep the coin metaphor going, a toss-up.

All this to say, I don’t know how we’re supposed to feel good about ourselves on a daily basis (or even weekly basis?) with the internet the way it is. But at least, thank god, we have TikTok makeup tutorials.

My attempt at self care today has been to try a new look with my makeup, and amazingly enough, it actually made me feel prettier. Maybe not little demon pretty, but pretty enough that I like what I see when I look in the mirror. That in itself is a huge accomplishment these days.

Makeup-wise, I just ramped up my blush a little, put some on my nose (it’s the trend and I love it), and tried a new highlighter. I don’t usually use highlighter so this is definitely going to become a habit. I also used my setting spray for the first time in a year, and honestly why the hell wasn’t I using it throughout 2020? It’s a NYX dewy finish spray and it’s a game changer honestly. I look like a living human being and not a faded wrinkled photograph from the 70s.

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