We’ve all gone through it in the past year, across the board. And most of us have probably gained weight. I mean, literally what was left to us during the height of lockdown but to eat?
In fact, one of the bright spots in 2020 was Adam’s and my weekly Saturday date nights, ordering in tons of food from amazing restaurants and gorging until we felt sick. And throughout the week, suffering through working from home and feeling burnt out and scared, what else could we do but snack? Food is nourishing and comforting and I don’t have a single regret about what I’ve eaten or not eaten over the past year.
But I still hate that I’ve gained weight. Don’t get me wrong — I know I’m skinny. I was skinny in 2019, and I’m skinny in 2021. I’ll never act like I’m the kind of person the body positivity movement is meant to help or lift up, and I know I’m privileged in lots of ways. That said, we all know that everyone suffers from self-esteem issues, body issues, whatever those may be. And I constantly struggle with loving my body.
One way I’ve managed to find love for myself and the way I look, even when I can’t feel it at first, is to take photos of myself. It sounds counter-intuitive, but being able to look at my body through a lens, to see it as maybe others see it, to pose myself in ways that feel sexy or fun and flattering, to have control over the way it is presented, gives me a sense of control.
It also shows me that the body I see in my head isn’t the same as the body that shows up in photographs. It’s a much more beautiful body than what I imagine. My butt is hot. My cellulite is hot. I’m hot, shockingly enough.
And whenever I forget that, I look at portraits I’ve taken and remind myself that I have been, I am, and I will continue to be hot or cute or sexy.
So today, when I felt bad about my butt, about the weight I’ve gained and the changes in my body, I took photos to highlight them. Look at my butt! It is a great butt. Remember that, Meg.
meg smitherman 